Holiday Ornament Guide 2015

Deck the halls with dogs and rose gold, fa la la la la, la la la la!
‘Tis the season for some faux fur, fa la la la la, la la la la!

Our holiday ornaments stay packed up in plastic bins and cardboard boxes for 11 months out of the year. Every November or December, we open the boxes and look with wonder (and sometimes disgust) at the ornaments we put on our tree year after year. This, combined with my newfound appreciation for really spectacularly girly things, has left me grinning and baring it as we put the same-old ornaments onto a seven-foot needle-dropper. So here’s my declaration: It’s time for an update!

Lucky for me, this season’s ornament trends are numerous and vastly different–and thus highly accessible for everyone! Check out some beauties I found, most with equally lovely price points.

It is so strange to me that there are people on this planet who do not like dogs, which is why the tons of dog-themed ornaments please me so–and I’m not talking about the breed-specific “I have a Golden Retriever, So Here is an Ornament That Looks Like Him” kind. Here are some cuties:


West Elm’s ASPCA French Bulldog
Pier 1’s Poodle
Target’s Gentleman Lab


What’s so special about rose gold? It isn’t yellow, and it isn’t white. The third hue adds a little something special to decorations, and I personally love how feminine yet fierce it feels against lush pine needles.


Target’s Metallic Pine Cones
Pier 1’s Onion
West Elm’s Blush Peacock


A hit with both the country chic and the vacation cabin set, these dandies are made with natural fibers and have a woodsy look about them. Plus, they come in LLAMA shapes. LLAMAS, you guys!


West Elm’s Bottlebrush Llama
Pier 1’s Hedgehog


Faux fur, with rose gold, joins the rank of luxe holiday decor. The great thing is you can dress it up (think fur paired with sparkly, beaded ornaments on a tree dressed from trunk to tip with velvets, satins, and silks) or dress it down (pair it with natural ornaments like the sweet baby hedgehog you see above).


Pier 1’s Furry Natural Baby Penguin
West Elm’s Furry Ball
Pier 1’s Furry Sphere

And then, if you aren’t into any of these trends, perhaps this burrito, complete with foil wrapper, will strike your fancy? Let your freak flag fly, I say.


Target’s Burrito


Guess Who’s Back!


Listen, I’ve had a whirlwind of a year and a half since I last posted here, folks. And for that, I’M NOT SORRY!

Haha, just kidding. I’m a little sorry.

But seriously, I left the blogosphere mostly by accident (namely because I was writing for a little start-up mag in New York City and adopted a dog and started a second job), and I’m so, so glad to be back. I need an outlet.

Stay tuned for new posts. They’re for you, because I love you.

How to Save a Drowning Kindle

Few things in life are more delicious than, after a stressful day/week/month/year, drawing a hot bath, pouring a glass of seltzer water on ice, grabbing your Kindle (or other, inferior e-reader device), and settling in for a relaxing soak of the tub.

Until that relaxing soak turns deadly. Your across-the-tub caddy fails, dumping everything good in your life into the piping hot bath water. When this happens, you grab for the Kindle first, realizing after there probably was a risk of electrocution, but whatever.

Once on dry land, your Kindle will still be full of water. If your Kindle is under warranty, now is the time to play coroner and call the time of death. If it’s not under warranty, prepare for CPR.


Cry. Cry like a baby. Bawl your eyes out. You were already stressed to start out with, and now you have to deal with this. So let it all go. You’re not just crying over your water-logged literature; you’re crying over all the stuff you didn’t cry over earlier.


Pry. Pry off the back plastic piece of your Kindle very carefully, using something like the weird nail file/curvy thing that’s attached to your fingernail clippers. Be careful to not scratch the plastic to all hell because there’s a chance your Kindle will be alive after this trauma. And as with people who’ve been in traumatic, injurious accidents, doctors don’t want to make them any worse. Be a good doctor. Who are we kidding? Be a good nurse. Nurses do all the work anyway.


Rice. If the back of your Kindle is open, do not shove your device straight into the rice. You’ll gunk up the motherboard and other shiny things and wires in it. No, instead, get a flat baking dish or even a cookie sheet, and line that puppy with rice. Then, lay a thing piece of fabric over top of that — something cotton, or a very thin, non-terry towel. Your Kindle goes on that, motherboard down, for two days. Do not power on. Do not touch. Do not even look at. Your patient needs rest.

(If your Kindle is under warranty, you can shove the whole thing in a bag of rice, leaving the back on, to see if it’ll survive. A warranteed Kindle is a surgery-free Kindle.)

The odds are not good in this situation.

But, if you’re lucky, you won’t have to send Amazon hundreds of dollars for a replacement, and your Kindle will, like magic, turn on its home screen after a while and be like, “Hey, I’m alive. Read me.” And you can. And you will. I hope that’s how your story ends.

The Sound Life’s Kindle survived an attempted drowning with no cosmetic damage, but the Bathtub Warrior thinks a little slower than before. This humorous (I hope it is anyway) blog post is not intended to be sound advice on what to do in a situation in which an electronic device meets water. Water and electricity do not mix. Rescue your wet electronic devices at your own risk. Use good, solid judgment. And may the odds be ever in your favor, or something.